Posted to FB on Wednesday, February 9, 2011 at 7:07pm

Dear Ones,
Recently there has been some polarization in the global community around the issue of engaging in sexuality with those who are in a student or client role with a sex educator.
 
I receive a good deal of feedback in this area as I am one of those who chooses such a path. I make no apology for doing so and see it as an essential part of what it is I am teaching and have to offer.  We all celebrate the Tantric path as one of Love, Power, and Freedom.   Part of the embodiment of this path, is seeing and then healing where I as a teacher can go along with the limiting cultural beliefs, judgments, and telepathic agreements around sex, love, and healing.  Leaving these elements unhealed can perpetuate more separation, fear, and disempowerment in the world.
 
I hear and understand the reasons many people have difficulty with teachers and healers engaging physically with students and clients.  There is probably no other area of human interaction that carries more shadow as well as potential for major healing and energetic shift.  Everyone has some wounds in this area and some much more than others if they have suffered direct abuse. People are often in a very vulnerable place when they seek to work with sexual issues and students also have the power dynamic when they are engaging with someone who is in a teaching role.  I do get this.
 
And I choose to do what I do out beyond the rules and ethics that belong in the realm of therapy and classrooms.  Love, consciousness, mediation, insight, breath, energy and body work all have their place in healing. So does sexuality including the physical act of Sacred Union.  Evaluating the seeker/student and using guidelines and protocols, I let love choose who and how I connect with someone while at the same time being as conscious of how our interaction may affect and trigger response. It is tricky territory to traverse and requires years of training.
 
I do respect and understand why educators set boundaries and have rules about their interactions with students. However, to judge or ban all teachers that might teach and share Sacred Union with students creates a block where a healthy boundary is needed.  Let's deal with teachers on an individual basis of professionalism, track record, and integrity.  Professionally, if you fail in discernment around what and who it is appropriate to share with, or, if you are using this work to fill your personal sexual appetite, you will pay a high price for your lack of integrity and impeccability.
 
I ask to be treated with the same respect for my work which I undertake consciously, motivated by love and with the intention of providing a space for radical healing and empowerment. I have worked with thousands of clients over many years and had the
privilege of being the difference that mattered at crucial times in their lives, often precisely because I was prepared to move the way love called me to move.
 
I also attract a good deal of controversy as a result and need to discern between projection and any elements of my own shadow.  It is a razor's edge out beyond the safe boundaries of mainstream ethics.  This is why I walk it impeccably and continue my own growth by engaging in review with trusted peers and allies.
 
Yes, it is appropriate that schools and/or groups take action and confront teachers,
guides, and practitioners that leave a trail of traumatized, manipulated, and abused
students and clients behind them.
 
To address ingrained puritanical Victorian values, let us start to heal our own shadows
and projected issues of fear, guilt, and shame around sexual intimacy and Sacred Union.
Then, Sacred Union can be one of the beautiful ways to addresses wounding, deep healing,
activation, initiation, and celebration.
 
For thousands of years Temple teachers, priests and priestesses have been sharing
Sacred Union with seekers, and students.  It is one of the beautiful ways to addresses
wounding, deep healing, activation, initiation, and celebration.
Where do we send these people that are wanting to learn and celebrate the sacrament
of sacred union with a teacher of this art?  Until I can tell them where else they can go
.....I can not ignore them or dismiss them.
 
Each of us who work in this field know we are one in essence and driven forward in our
work by the same dynamic and evolutionary force of love. I join with you there even
while celebrating the necessity of sometimes walking alone into the fire of my unique
contribution.
 
We are One Heart
Living In Love, Power, and Freedom,
 
Baba Dez
 
http://www.facebook.com/notes/baba-dez-nichols/sacred-union-ethics-blocks-and-boundaries/145764915484629?ref=notif&notif_t=note_comment
Sacred Union and Sex Magic
comments:

Vito Hemphill I feel that it is always a matter of 'agreement between practitioner and client.' If the agreement is to have sexual relations to heal and the client is 'really aware of what is happening,' then in this context I understand why this healin...

Jade Beaty Over the years, I've developed the policy that my client and I build a foundation of trust and safety first, over as many sessions as I deem needed, so that BOTH of us are comfortable with going deeper. If someone doesn't want to stick arou..
Rahasya Advait As tantrikas, we, among our own, face a different scenario, perhaps, than when teaching a group or workshop, marketed in the culture, to the culture. We do pick up a bit of responsibility with that interaction…

For teachers who are not drive...

Rahasya Advait One more nitpick (keep checking back to see if there are any revalations about what exactly has been complained about)

The term "sacred union" … which, to me, is an internal thing, the masculine and feminine aspects in a being becoming unite...

Maya Yonika Yes... the more honest the better. Dez I personally feel that if you were to entitle yourself as prostitute...even Sacred or Tantric Prostitute, then It is a fair, honest exchange. It is clear what they are getting. But for those who com

Jason Valenti IMHO - There are aspects of the sexual experience, with in the human framework of course, that reach heights of Satori that can only be reached with another partner. It seems to me that there is this belief that the deep spiritual stuff ca

Maya Yonika ‎"What Dez is engaging is nothing more than something we all should be doing and treating it no more special than any other human activity". Many different personalities, upbringings, karmas, histories, cultures out there. No...we should no...

Yes, we tend to trust women but not men, in that way. No right or wrong to it, just an observable truth.

maybe it's some weird kind of culture reverse bias, because this is not true in medicine, law etc, where the male profession...

Jason Valenti Maya, is it possible that all of the negative things that has afflicted humanity starts at the core of the human sexual energy system. IMO, it does, and if it does all I'm saying is that it is obvious that the human race is sooooo outta to...See More
Yesterday at 12:56pm · Like ·  2 people
Maya Yonika I agree with revisiting...working on repressions and obsessions...of course. Believe me... i know all about, from actual experience rather than theory, about facing fears. This has been stated, and it is also my truth as a path to awakening...See More
Yesterday at 1:26pm · Like ·  1 person
Robert Hartman With male practitioners, the fear is that testosterone can cloud judgment and spur aggression that a female client in a vulnerable condition cannot withstand. Combine that with a "spiritual" rationalization and it could well lead to a trail...See More
Yesterday at 1:35pm · Like ·  3 people
Robert Hartman One other comment about dopamine. It can cloud judgment, but it also opens up awareness of the mythic dimension. One just has to be sure that all four feet are grounded before soaring to those ecstatic heights.
Yesterday at 1:39pm · Like ·  2 people
Maya Yonika ps... it is my experience presently...that my sexual energy system, in celibacy and intense yoga practice...is more healthy and happy than it has been since 14 when i started being super hyper sexual. What of those like myself who lived so ...See More
Yesterday at 1:49pm · Like ·  9 people
Wahkeena Sitka My suggestion to you, Dez, is to take a year off, maybe 2 years off. And find something totally fresh and new to do for a year or two or forever.. Give yourself a break. Give yourself a fresh pair of glasses to look at this whole thing with...See More
Yesterday at 1:58pm · Like ·  3 people
Robert Hartman One more word about "countertransference." Just as transferences are the roles and feelings that a client projects onto a practitioner, countertransference encompasses the roles and feelings that a practitioner projects on a client. There c...See More
Yesterday at 2:28pm · Like ·  2 people
Shakti Malan Words well crafted Dez. The challenge is living them. Being a teacher in this field, is a position of great power that comes with great responsibility. Especially towards your students. The only way to walk this razor path is to keep doing the inner work, to become a clearer and clearer vessel, and to be ruthlessly honest with yourself about what motivates you sexually.
Yesterday at 3:30pm · Like ·  9 people
KrisEllen Sensualist I am grateful this conversation is happening. @Dez thank you for sharing your note and perspective. Thank you for the courage to speak your voice, and to share the vision which has moved you to share with the world. I observe we are all fac...See More
Yesterday at 3:30pm · Like ·  1 person
Lori J Bayne I am confused beyond reason. Why anyone's opinions of Baba Dez' actions, life, ego, etc. (whether positive or negative) are being shared here is quite perplexing to me.

Maya ~ Baba Dez didn't say that he was trying to get anyone to have lot...See More
Yesterday at 5:49pm · Like ·  2 people
Robert Hartman ‎@Lori: One aspect of this discussion, and why it is relevant, is the degree to which an individual's autonomy around sexuality and romantic involvement has been compromised by previous traumatic experiences. The fact that we all have been wounded to a greater or lesser extent has meaning to us as practitioners and clients. If we lived in a society in which we could all be supported and supportive, free and easy, open and honest, there would be no need for discussions like this.
Yesterday at 6:03pm · Like ·  2 people
Lori J Bayne Robert ~ I definitely see what you're saying. I felt that I was seeing what looked like people trying to change someone else (and I could be wrong in my assessment), and that got my attention. I agree we have all been compromised and woun...See More
Yesterday at 6:12pm · Like ·  3 people
Maya Yonika Lori... i feel grossly misunderstood in your responses. "Baba Dez didn't say that he was trying to get anyone to have lots of sex or not". I was referring to Jasons comment saying 'everyone should be doing what Dez is doing'. I don't agree...See More
Yesterday at 9:42pm · Like
Shama Helena Malin Yes it is a touchy subject and there have been abuses. How to minimize these instances is a quandry, but I think that it is in all of our best interest to uphold and maintain a certain level of consciousness and quality in our work. Perha...See More
23 hours ago · Like
Linda Marie Smith I wish to be a sexual shaman healer. Baba, I wish to study with you! :-)
23 hours ago · Like
Lori J Bayne Maya ~ I see your misunderstanding. All I am saying is that it does look like some are asking him to stop (the post near yours is the one I was referring to), and I'm not throwing stones at anyone. Personally, I think it's his title to giv...See More
23 hours ago · Like
Maya Yonika peace. (;
21 hours ago · Like
Bruce Lyon A comment about the confusion inherent in discussions like this because of the different consciousness involved and the fact that it evolves through devlopmental stages

I do what ever I want - egocentric
my tribe ( or really the leaders of m...See More
21 hours ago · Like ·  5 people
Jennifer Jardine I think you hit the HOT BUTTON SACRED SPOT Dez! I have also heard a lot of commentary on your work from other educators and what I have said is (and I hope this is okay with you) the man is obviously doing something right! He is kicking ass, healing and educating all over the frickin' world!!! They are just jealous Baba 'cause you actually, unabashedly, DO THE WORK! Love that Spirit in you! Lovingly ~ Jen
21 hours ago · Like ·  1 person
Maya Yonika ‎....and I also agree with Bruce in that everything is perfect... the whole conversation is both in one context educational, in another, ridiculous. Lessons learned, gained, attained. Life continues. Love to you, Dez and all that you do. There is part of me that needed to express those feelings, and another part that fully gets that what is is simply Divine. You, me, and all of us...simply divine. The rest will play out according to god's graces. Sat Nam!
20 hours ago · Like
Maya Yonika ‎....but no...controversy does not automatically equate rightness or wrongness.
20 hours ago · Like
Catherine Angela Williams Dez, will you be participating in this thread as dialogue? I am reading this wondering what the value is for "peripherals" like me. I have experience with these issues from both sides, so I agree with comments both "for" and "against". (And...See More
19 hours ago · Like ·  1 person
Catherine Angela Williams ‎(I am using words here because I like them, they contain power too, and because this is the nature of the forum- experience is best.)

Dez is in truth, consciously creating a life which transcends social stereotyping and serves our greater g...See More
19 hours ago · Like ·  1 person
Catherine Angela Williams Dez is in shadow, addicted and unconscious, unable to hear the angry feedback: Yes, I agree

" The shadow can contain the divine, the luscious, beautiful aspects of personhood. The shadow almost always contains very fine aspects of being that...See More
19 hours ago · Like ·  1 person
Catherine Angela Williams Dont we all dance between the shadow and the light? I guess what matters is how much more aware of each we want to become? I do, and its terrifying and painful.
18 hours ago · Like ·  1 person
Catherine Angela Williams Aplogies Dez: you are of interest as a culture changer and friend, yes, but I have enough work to do on myself without wondering about yours.

To be aware of a single shortcoming in oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in som...See More
18 hours ago · Like ·  1 person
Shima Opening-Lotus If I go to a singing teacher to learn to sing there is a good chance I may sing with this teacher. Anyone got a problem with that?

Tantrikas fuck. Yes we do breath work, and kundalini shake the house down and an array of "ancient sexual tant...See More
16 hours ago · Like ·  5 people
Baba Dez Nichols Shima...i love you. Right on! Thanks everyone for your comments. The AusConf is happening right now so i have my hands full at the moment. Will hopefully write something more on Monday :) Life is full, sweet, and amazing... Give Thanks!
13 hours ago · Like ·  2 people
Sasha Alex Lessin Ph.D. Most sex educators, sometime or other in their practice, do connect with clients. What's important, I think, is that they analyze their bonding (transference) pattern consciously and avoid harming anyone.
10 hours ago · Like ·  1 person
Jennifer Jardine ‎@ Shima I love your first line and as Tantricas we have sung and danced with our students and most like did a better job than any trained singing or dancing instructor because we can transend all the pretenses.Tantricas I know NEVER fuck anyone! If you fuck then you are a fucking whore! If you meet your students with the intent of only Love and MAKE LOVE, in whatever that form takes, then and only then you are a Tantrica.
9 hours ago · Like
Jerry Orban you are good right on time ifill you so does book
9 hours ago · Like
Brian Walter I just want to give a shout out to Shima, who IMO summarized this entire debate with the following words

"Now there is an ooh aah about having sex with our students!? What madness has come upon the minds of humans?

Where are the warriors of o...See More
9 hours ago · Like
Robert Hartman ‎@Jennifer: I don't think it's just jealousy, although that is certainly in the mix. When jealousy hijacks legitimate concerns to justify repression, it is just as wrong and unethical as using spirituality as a ruse for taking advantage cli...See More
8 hours ago · Like ·  1 person
Spring Cason Graf ‎"I have a large sexual appetite. It's larger than most people's. So because I desire sex so much, people wonder if there's addiction going on." - Dez, "Manifesting Maya"

"...or, if you are using this work to fill your personal sexual appeti...See More
6 hours ago · Like
Vito Hemphill Dakas and Dakinis work along a polarity between purely white with no touch to bright red with sexual intercourse with clients. We need competent people working at both ends and all along the distance between these extremes. Dez has clearl...See More
6 hours ago · Like ·  1 person
Spring Cason Graf Dez, I have celebrated our friendship for 33 years now. I think the best thing that friends can do sometimes, is just a calm lake that reflects as a mirror. Love, Spring
5 hours ago · Like
Robert Hartman Nobody who doesn't have a strong appetite for sex would go into this line of work. Nobody who doesn't have an appetite for physical force would go into law enforcement. Does that mean that all cops are suspect, that we shouldn't have them, ...See More
5 hours ago · Like
Rahasya Advait Dez, I still want to know what specifics you are answering with this note. It's weird reading your response to something that is not also presented.
5 hours ago · Like
Vesco Bondov Sneaky Dez and his "insatiable desire" seducing everybody here in a cyber prostration to that most holy of trinities S.E.X. .... :-) ... somebody has to clear all these new pathways ...

Too many concepts, levels, soul missions overlapping a...See More
4 hours ago · Like
Tricia Sabo tastes like an over abundance of "salted meat" is being served and passed around the table. true tantra is born from the wild couplings of nature and grows its roots in the heart of its creation.

i offer "insulting the meat" and eating it...See More
about an hour ago · Like
Tricia Sabo what's the most important thing about a coal mine apart from the coal?

Dez, how deep are you willing to grow? can you dig it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfK-UzQ48JE
about an hour ago · Like
Lady Lark keep up the good work dez. it takes a lot of courage to come out the way you do. you boldly go where no one has gone before. i love you and support you brother. everyone here has so much wisdom to share. i'm in awe of the level of awar...See More
30 minutes ago · Like