Jeane Haner teaches: Wisdom of Your Face -  This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

You’ve probably experienced it in any number of ways: A client is a nightmare to deal with; a neighbor is making your life miserable; or that new employee turns out to have an entirely different personality than in their job interview!

Or especially at this time of year, it may be that relative who spoils the family gathering for everyone else. The “difficult person” can show up anywhere and send your stress-o-meter off the charts!

Imagine if you could not only spot a difficult person as soon as they walked in the room but also anticipate the trouble that walked in with them?! You may not be able to avoid the person, but what if you could know how to avoid the stress they’d normally cause you?

Here are a few examples for how to spot a difficult person, and ways you can stay balanced and not get caught up in their issues!

The Drama Queen
This woman’s enormous eyes, with the whites visible under her irises, combined with her full lips, slightly upturned upper lip and diamond-shaped face all conspire to show you a woman whose emotions are close to the surface and will frequently spill over into your life!

Her feelings are far too easily hurt, and she’ll be sure to let you know when this happens. She’ll unconsciously seek drama in life, take everything you say personally, and if she’s not frequently assured how loveable she is, she may eventually have a meltdown.

This is actually a woman with a hugely open heart and who’s always looking for ways to both give and receive love. But a heart this open is a vulnerable heart and it can be hard for her to keep boundaries around her feelings.

Here’s how to deal with someone like this: Be realistic! If there’s a crisis, she should be the last person you turn to for help or action. Don’t expect her to be logical - Expect her to be emotional and appreciate that. Show her she’s special and loveable and she’ll love you back - forever!

The Winner
Here we see a woman with a strong brow bone, which indicates someone who can behave aggressively. This can mean she’ll be very successful in her career, but it can interfere with everyday relationships.

For instance, even in a casual interaction at a party, you might find that she turns a normal conversation into an argument that she has to win.

She may try to one-up you about her career achievements or her best time completing a marathon. Your mild comment like, “Nice place you’ve got here” will cause her to challenge you: “How do you know? You’ve only seen this living room!”

Here’s the way to deal with someone like this: Let them win. This is someone who needs to feel in charge, and always believes they’re right. If you challenge what they’re saying, you’ll be giving them what they love the most – a good fight! “You may be right,” is a comment that’ll get you off the hook and give them nothing to fight about.

The Victim
This woman’s face shows patterns of disappointment and negative thinking that have gotten stuck in her system. Her downturned mouth, her heavy squared jaw, the wrinkles around her mouth, and the horizontal lines across the bridge of her nose all convey this strong message.

If this is your family member, you may find her judgmental and overbearing as she tries to tell you the right way to do everything. Someone like this often feels deeply unappreciated, and even like a victim who feels everyone’s taken advantage of her over the years.

This is actually a sign of a woman who in her heart wants to help others. But she’s stuck telling herself a story that all her help goes unrecognized and over time, she can become full of self-pity and end up angry and resentful.

Here’s the way to deal with someone like this: Thank them. And then thank them some more. They may be a bit of a bulldozer about telling you what to do and how to do it, but rather than resist, shower them with gratitude and talk about how generous they are. They actually are very generous people and it’s what they’re so hungry to hear. Then they may relax and back off as a result!

And have you ever considered that some other people may judge YOU as a difficult person? There may be ways your natural behavior rubs them the wrong way, and this can create unnecessary conflict or discomfort.

Often, the real issue is just how stuck any of us is in our own personality – our own thick layers of perception and belief; the patterns of emotion and behavior that can keep us from understanding others’ needs and points of view.

You actually can get so stuck because you hold so much negative self-judgment, it sets your system off balance. You regain your balanced self only when you can relax into the truth of who you are.

When you can see yourself clearly, with love and acceptance, you bring a spacious presence to the world and that alone can allow even the most difficult of people to transform into a pussycat!

This is one of the most valuable things you’ll learn when you come to a workshop – just how perfect and beautiful and right you really are, and how you can help others to feel the same. Have a look at next year’s flyers to learn more!